Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Dear Addie,

One year ago today, I woke up, and started my day like any other Tuesday. Except, on this particular Tuesday I wasn’t feeling so well. In fact, I hadn’t been feeling well for a couple of days and so I decided to go see my doctor to make sure that I didn’t have the flu. One year ago today I went to the doctors office and had an appointment that started out just like every other doctor’s appointment I had ever had. But when I walked out of that office, my life was changed forever. That’s because one year ago today, I found out that you were coming. I walked into that doctor’s office the person I had always been- and I walked out of it the person I will be for the rest of my life- your mother.

I remember so many things about that day. I remember telling your daddy that you were coming, and how we stood in our kitchen and laughed because we didn’t know what else to do. I remember telling your Papa Sam over the phone while he was in line ordering food at Chic-Fil-A. I remember laying in bed that night wide awake- a bundle of nerves, and excitement and joy. I remember wondering if you were a boy or a girl and whether or not you would look like me or daddy. I couldn’t imagine what life with you was going to be like in that moment, and I had no idea what kind of parents that your daddy and I would be. But I knew that we loved you. In that very moment that I became aware of your existence I loved you more than I had ever loved anything in this world. And I felt so fiercely protective over you that it was almost frightening.

I had no idea what a ride the next nine months would be. Nor did I have ANY clue about what it would be like once you were here. There aren’t enough words in the world to describe what you’ve done to our world- how you lit it up and filled in the pieces of what was always missing, even if we never knew that something was. On that day one year ago, I couldn’t have known who you would be- our happy girl with the bright smile, who loves to stand and jump and talktalktalk. Our baby who has been a great sleeper from day one, but adamantly refuses to nap. Our snuggle bug who loves to be held, who is curious about the world around her, who thinks that Daddy is fascinating and Mommy is funny. Our babygirl who love music and positively BEAMS when I sing to you. Our biggest girl who already has more facial expressions than the average adult, and who is zooming through each milestone like a true overachiever.



One year ago today I knew things were about to change forever, for the better. And Addie, I thank God every day that they did.




Love,

Me

Dear Addie,

Since you are so new and fresh to this world, you are in for a lot of "firsts". In fact, nearly everything you do right now is your first time. You had your first day on this earth, your first car ride, first bath, first night in your crib, first smile, and most recently, your first real laugh. You spent your first Halloween as a baby giraffe and enjoyed your first Thanksgiving (though I suspect you will enjoy it even more in years to come!). And yesterday- you had another big first- your first snow!

Now, where we live, in North Carolina, snow is not unheard of, but its also not so common either, and particulary not this time of year, and hardly ever this close to Christmas. Typically, the weathermen will predict lots of snow and everyone races out the grocery store to buy up all the milk and bread. And typically, we hardly see a flake. And if we do? Its usually only an inch or less and its gone the very next day. But for your first big snow, God decided to do it up big-- sending us 10 inches only five days before Christmas!

Now let me tell you a little secret about your daddy and me. We love snow. Now, I know you are probably thinking "who doesn't love snow?", but let me tell you, we LOVE snow. Daddy and I act like little kids when the weatherman calls for snow. We watch the weather report like hawks and when either of us sees a flake we call the other one to report so that we are sure neither of us misses it. I have a lot of special memories of being with your daddy when we were in high school on snowy days off from school, or sharing our elation over a snow day over the phone when we where in different cities during college. And yesterday, we were even more excited about the snow because of you. You, on the other hand, were not nearly as impressed as we were. You spent the day snuggled up in your fleece jammies and were content to just hang out looking at the Christmas lights and making cooing noises from your perch on the ottoman in the den. See?



And I got to thinking about why it is that we love the snow so much and I think that its because we both grew up with Momma's who made snow days, like a lot of other things, really special. Not only would snow mean no school, but it meant getting to be at home with my mom (your nana!) and do special things. She would always make us a special lunch, like macaroni and tomoatoes or homeade soup, and we would watch movies and drink hot chocolate. We could always count on dry snow boots and warm jackets that had been laid by the fireplace, to be waiting for us when it was time to make another run outside for sledding. And even yesterday, as a grown-up on my own, I still wanted to do all those things. I made a big pot of homemade soup, your daddy and I watched one of our favorite Christmas movies, and of course, I enjoyed a big cup of hot chocolate while I watched it coming down. Of course, we took you out in it, but you were more interested in getting out of that snow suit than you were in enjoying the flurries outside. But we made sure to document the moment:





And while this snow storm has been a great memory for us to have, it only made me that more excited for all the snow days to come, and the memories that you and I will make together. We'll drink hot chocolate, make snow angels, and run through the yard trying to catch the flakes of snow on our tongues. And as great as my own memories of snow days are, I have a feeling that the ones I'm about to make are going to be even better. Because thats what you do, my Addie girl. You make everything, even the snow days, just that much sweeter.

Love,
Me

December 11, 2009

Dear Addie,

Hi! This is your mama. You remember me? I'm the one changing all those diapers and getting up with you in the early morning hours. Ringing any bells? No? If it helps, I'm also the one who carried you around all those months before you were born. And most recently, the one who is so smitten with you.

As of today you are 2 months, 1 week, and 2 days old. And my, how that time has flown. It seemed as though the nine months we waited for you dragged on forever and that you might never get here. And then, suddenly, you were here and its as though the clocks and calendars are all stuck on fast foward, and I'm not sure what to do to make it stop. I can't believe that I'm already packing up clothes that you've outgrown, that you're almost too big for the hammock in your bathtub, and that sometimes a 4 ounce bottle still isn't enough to fill your tummy. What happened to my newborn baby? The one with the little legs tucked up to her belly, who was swimming in newborn sized sleepers, and who slept all day (more on that later!)?

Its as though I woke up one day to a baby. A real, live, growing baby! One who smiles and laughs, who recognizes her mama and daddy and Nana and turns to our voices when we come in the room. You are growing so fast! And you are such a happy girl, Addie. You love to play and talk and smile and giggle. You are a cuddle bug, too, and I am trying my hardest to soak in every minute that you will still let me hold you.

Yesterday, you got your two month old shots and it broke my heart. You cried and cried at the doctor's office and when we got home, you wanted me to hold you for the rest of the day, so that's what we did. And the house was a mess, the laundry is piled up, and I certainly would have preferred to have something other than cheese toast for dinner. But all those things are temporary and fleeting, and so they waited. They waited while you and I rocked and nursed and snuggled, until eventually, we both gave in to the exhaustion of the day and went to sleep.

As I was laying in bed last night thinking about our day I started to panic. Will I always remember our afternoon together? It seems as though the memories of our earliest days together, including the day you were born are already becoming hazy with time and sleep deprivation, and I don't want to forget any of the stories of this time with you. There are so many things that I want to tell you now, but you are more interested in staring at the Christmas tree lights or when the next bottle is coming to be too into what I have to say. So I'm writing you these letters. For both of us. So that I can remember, and then someday, so you can read the story of your life, right from the very beginning.

For now, I want you to know this: someday, you aren't going to want me to hold you all day. You aren't going to want to spend your mornings snuggled up next to me in bed as we doze nose to nose together. And someday, you won't depend on me like you do now. But I'll be there; I'll be there for you every bit as much as I am right now. And no matter how old or independent you get, you can always come to me, and I'll hold you just the same. Cause I'm your Mama, Addison, and that's just what Mama's do.

Love,
Me